side note

18 Jun

I am totally lost when it comes to tags… what seems appropriate for posts on this general topic? Any suggestions would be great!

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Day 2

18 Jun

The Game Plan:

Having been single for this long in my life it is clear that I need to start doing something different if I ever want to have a chance of meeting someone and getting my first real kiss. However, it is hard to just start doing things differently. Where do I begin, what should I do, and how should I be careful to not let this turn me into someone I don’t want to be (a desperate crazy girl or one of those women who can’t spend more than a week single)? Being the planner that I am I of course developed a plan based on the many dating advice web-articles I have read in the past. It seems to me that I need to help form myself into the type of person who attracts guys, I need to actually get myself out there so said guys can meet me, and I need to be open to getting to know the guy beyond first impressions/rejections. These three aspects are the main components of my plan to get my first kiss this year.

1. Working on myself for myself.

No one wants to be with someone who can’t stand to be with them self. I think this first point is especially important because I don’t want to create myself around trying to get a guy. I want to develop myself as a woman of character to live a good life despite what the gods have in store for my love life. Everyone wants to be happy and I firmly believe that happiness starts with yourself. I want to work on myself so I can live a happy life and having that attract nice guys would be an awesome bonus. It’s all good to talk about these things but to be serious I know I have to set concrete tasks to help me become the me I want to be. First, exercise is a must. I’m a bit heavy for my height (170 for 5′ 5″) and I have been way to sedentary over the past four years in college where coping with stress and getting things in came before bodily health. Losing weight is something I want to do for me but I also know it can’t hurt my chances with the fellas either. Eating healthy is something my family is pretty good at but that’s also on my life for setting the foundation for the good life. Second my wardrobe needs a makeover. I own way too many free unisex college t-shirts which are so tempting to wear with sweats or grubby jeans. I’m a grown woman now and I want to start feeling like it. Dressing better and wearing makeup with out and about is a must for increasing my confidence as a woman. Lastly, I want to work on being selfless in everyday life. I never want to be one of those people who only care about themselves. Working on my prayer life is essential to this one. That’s right. I’m a Christian, a Catholic to be more precise and I want to be a better one. Now there are other ways I’ll also be working on myself but these are the ones I’ve bothered to mention as they are the three I want to focus on at this stage in my life.

2. Getting myself out there

This is the one I’ve always been terrible at. Meeting new people is hard for me and I don’t even exclude that statement to love interests. I have a hard time even making close friends with other girls. Clearly this may be the big thing that needs to change. For starters I have joined an online dating site but have not had much luck there so far. It’s a pretty awkward situation and I greatly prefer meeting people in person. At least it’s progress. I have learned from it that some guys are pretty nice and looking for the same things as me (even if that’s not me). My other ideas to meet people is to go to a young adult prayer group at church. In the past I haven’t had much luck with forming relationships when I joined a youth ministry program but I’ll meet some new people that I know I have something in common with. As for other ideas I’m having some trouble. I’m definitely not into the club scene (and not really sure how you would get to know someone at such a loud place to see if you like them). I’ve thought about checking out some pubs around or something but that’s a lame thing to do alone and I don’t have to bucks for the drinks (nor do I want to become an alcoholic. I think it would greatly undermine my work on myself). I’m interesting in taking ballroom dancing lessons but I’m not sure that’s the best place to look for straight men. Lastly, I’m going to look into how I can get involved in the community (volunteer work). I welcome any and all suggestions here! I need them!

3. Rules of the Game

My last little focus is on taking my wall down when it comes to guys. I have a terrible tendency to shut guys out either because I prejudge them as being untrustworthy or I decide that they are into someone else. Tsk tsk I should be ashamed of myself. I guess I always figured that the right guy would be persistent but I need to work on being more open as well. Thus I want to have a few rules of dating (and you can tell me what you think). 1. He must ask me out first. I think this sets a certain tone for the relationship and I want a guy I can respect as a capable adult. 2. I will agree to at least two dates. This rule is mostly because first dates can be so awkward and I want to give guys the opportunity to feel a little more at ease. I mean you can only learn so much about someone you’ve just met. This rule will help me cut them a little slack. 3. If I like a guy I will initiate physical contact. I don’t mean this like he cannot but more like I will not let myself be afraid to touch his arm or whatever. I get nervous about these things. 4. I won’t date exclusively unless that commitment has been discussed. This one is hard for me cause I’ll feel weird seriously considering more than one guy at a time but I think it’s important that the guys know I’m not off the market unless they are also agreeing to only see me (and that this is something worth discussing).

Anyways, so this is my general game plan. I’m interested in seeing if anyone has any suggestions or comments. Please help me out. The dating scene is a new scary thing for me but I’m excited!

Live well singles,

B

Day 1

16 Jun

Here’s the story of my little blog here. My name is B and I have just graduated from a four-year college with a BA in psychology. For those of you who don’t know, this means I am pretty much SOL when it comes to work until I get a masters or doctorate (in what field, I’m not sure). Thus I’ve been applying for the same kinds of jobs I would have before my college career except now I have a little piece of paper saying I’m over qualified. Oh joy of joys! I’m living with my family still because of this lack of cash flow. It’s not terrible but certainly not a step in the right direction of growing up and standing on my own two feet (something only one of my three adult siblings has accomplished thus far).

The real topic of this blog, however, is not my adventures in job hunting or getting out on my own. Having just had my birthday last week I’m starting to feel like a huge aspect of my life has been grossly undeveloped. I am now 23 years old and have still never been in a serious relationship. I’ve never had a boyfriend, not even the holding hands kind in the 5th grade. I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. How can this be? Well, first of all, it’s not so terribly uncommon as one may think. Try¬†googling it (as I have in a pathetic attempt to crash my own pity party) and you will find a couple million were people are all asking the same question: is this weird? I don’t think so but I’m also taking this as a sign that I want to be more proactive in getting myself out there, in meeting new people, making new friends, and maybe finding the right guy for a meaningful relationship (my own Mr. R). This blog is my place for the next year to share my struggles, ideas, and progress as a single girl proactively looking for love and hopefully to receive some from my readers as well.

Good luck my fellow singles,

B

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